I'm Doing a Thing

If you're missing theater in English, I have a play for you

When I was in fourth grade, I somehow was given the lead role in the school’s production of The Magic Pan. I don’t remember much from that time of my life but I remember enjoying having fun performing in that play.

The following year, the production was Tom Sawyer. Tommy Segretto was taller than me, blonder than me, more-freckled than me, and had a more carefree personality than I did. In other words, he was basically the poster version of Tom Sawyer.¹ Naturally, he got the part.

In a fit of pique, I turned my back on the stage and took up the clarinet.

As one does.

I wouldn’t trade the subsequent years of orchestras, bands, and ensembles for anything. As an above-average clarinetist,² I got to play in some high-level groups,³ picked up the saxophone as well, and performed some really good music. I traveled near and far and got front row seats to some of the greatest highlights of the early 1990’s UConn men’s basketball team.⁴ Many of my best friends and memories were formed with an instrument in hand.

8th grade jazz band trip to Newport, RI. I’m front row, fourth from L, with a tenor sax.

This photo ended up in a promotional brochure for UConn. One of my proudest moments. And proof that I had hair as recently as 1990.

I also never really forgot the play. I grabbed a couple of random chances to “act” in college and beyond. And when I started working in a high school, I wormed my way into the pit orchestra for the annual musical - which was, in some ways, the worst of all worlds as it required weeks of practicing on my own for the opportunity to be part of the production for just a few days. But seeing how close the cast got over the months they worked to bring the show to the stage was inspiring.

My clarinet came with me to Lisbon (left my sax behind, sadly) but a combination of lack of language skills and a couple of failed, half-hearted attempts to find an ensemble has meant it’s stayed in the case during the three years we’ve lived here.

I did stumble into an acting opportunity last year by responding to a Facebook post looking for an older male who could speak English for a couple of very small roles in Open Air Shakespeare’s performance of Macbeth. As it happened, nobody else responded to the post.

Since those rehearsals were mostly online - we were together in person for about a week in total - it didn’t really feel like the community experience I was hoping for but it was generally pretty fun and I learned a lot.

If you’re at all interested in theater and you live in Lisbon, you’ve probably come across The Lisbon Players. Founded in 1947 by British immigrants to Portugal, they’re either the oldest or second-oldest continuously-operating theater in the country⁵ and they perform in English. I’ve been on their email list for a while and I responded to an open casting call for a production early this year⁶ but, if I’m being honest, they haven’t performed much that I’ve actually wanted to watch so I have yet to buy a ticket.

So when I got another open casting call email from them about a comedy called The Unfriend, I took a closer look. It’s written by Steven Moffat, best known for his work on Doctor Who and Sherlock, and it debuted in 2022, making it much more contemporary than much of what I’d seen from The Lisbon Players before.

They were auditioning for the roles of the family’s children and a police constable that required a British accent - the play being set in London - so I wasn’t a fit but they were also looking for some behind-the-scenes help including a stage manager, assistant stage manager, and lighting assistant. I figured I could be an assistant, learn the ropes, and maybe parlay that into some more opportunities down the line so I filled out the form, hit send, and promptly forgot about it.

A short while later, I got an email from Celia Williams, the director and one of the lead actors. She asked me to come to the auditions to meet her and the other leads, which I was happy to do.

On the day in question, I arrived early and waited my turn amidst a crowd of teenagers. When my name was called, I went upstairs and when I introduced myself, Celia blurted, “Oh, you’re the stage manager! Brilliant!”

“No,” I corrected, “I’m happy to be an assistant stage manager because I’ve never been one before. I don’t even really know what a stage manager does.”

As it happened, nobody else indicated a willingness to be in any kind of stage manager role.

So look at me, I’m a stage manager! I still don’t know exactly what that means, though I suspect it varies slightly from production to production.

In this case, I’ve basically invited myself to all of the rehearsals and made sound effects - often with my mouth when my portable speaker and laptop have had disagreements. I’m trying to keep track of all of the props, which is a challenge, because more appear seemingly each week. I’m also working with a 17-year-old assistant who has more backstage experience than I do.

The play opens July 17 - just ten days from now! - and it’s going to be quite a show. It’s very funny and as the actors settle into their lines and blocking they’re fleshing out their characters’ mannerisms, facial expressions, and body language, making each rehearsal more entertaining than the last.

I don’t want to give too much away - part of the hilarity is in how it all unfolds - but the play is about a British couple, married for 20 years, who go on a cruise as a break from their teenage children. They meet an American passenger who invites herself to stay. The couple ties themselves in knots trying not to be impolite to their unwanted guest. It’s awkward, a touch dark, and quite British.

So if you’re in Lisbon between June 17 and 27th, come check it out. Grab dinner before or after the show and make a night of it. Click here for all the info you’ll need.

Feel free to pass this along to anyone you think would be interested. And if you do make it to a show, stick around afterwards and say hi.

That’s all for now.

Love from Lisbon,

Scott

1. I mean, he was even named Tom for crying out loud.

2. but entirely undisciplined; I hated to practice

3. with much more-disciplined people, some of whom are now professional musicians

4. As well as some pretty mediocre 1-AA football.

5. there’s one in Coimbra that may or may not still be going

6. I got a very polite note saying they were inundated with potential auditioners, couldn’t possibly see them all and - so sorry - I was not chosen to come in to try out for the part.